We all know a person who makes us feel drained whenever we are with them. They bring out the worst in you, making you feel that you have been misunderstood or even attacked. These are the toxic people in our lives. Like many other people, I have always wondered to myself should I continue these relationships in the spirit of “friendship” and better ties or simply put an end to it. That is why I have decided to research the impact toxic relationships have on our mental well-being.
Toxic relationships are truly toxic to us
Toxic relationships have been known to negatively impact our mental health. Interacting with people we deem toxic causes us tons of stress and has been linked with depression, anxiety disorders and eating disorders. Beyond just our mental health however, toxic relationships also jeopardizes our physical well-being. According to Research, toxic relationships have been linked to a higher likelihood of heart disease and obesity.
What are some signs of a toxic relationship?
A toxic relationship is characterized by a regular set of behaviors exhibited by the toxic person that is emotionally and physically damaging to the other.
Here are some signs that you could be in a toxic relationship:
- You feel disrespected/ undermined self-esteem
- You feel unsupported/ misunderstood/ attacked
- The person brought out your ugly side
- You feel emotionally and mentally drained being around the person
- You are always the one to blame
- You feel you are giving way more than what you are getting
- You always feel wary around the person, in fear of being attacked
How should I deal with a toxic relationship?
Just like how it takes two hands to clap, it takes both people to make the relationship work. So there are only 2 options when it comes to dealing with a toxic relationship:
(1) Tell the toxic partner to change their ways
(2) Break off the relationship.
- Tell the toxic partner to change their ways
Often times, toxic people are unaware of their toxic behaviour. Their toxicity likely stemmed from their upbringing, either being exposed to toxic behaviour from young or being overly praised. This has led them to lack empathy and they are unconcerned with the impact they have on others.
This is why it is absolutely essential to tell the toxic person about your needs and feelings. Be assertive. Make them aware of their impact on you. Discuss about the issue and decide how you both would like to change the dynamic to ensure that the needs of both parties are met.
Do not be afraid to be assertive for fear of ruining the relationship. Being honest about your feelings and set clear boundaries. This is key for developing a healthy long-term relationship for both parties moving forward.
- Break off the relationship
Unfortunately, some people simply do not change and remain rooted in their ways. It might be better then to end the relationship. This however should be a last resort, especially if the person forms an important part of your life, such as your spouse or family member. Be selfish and know your limits. If it is too much for you to handle, cut off all communications with the person. Do not attempt to reconcile the relationship. Shift the power dynamic towards yourself. If the other party really wants reconciliation, they would reach out to you.
While cutting off toxic relationships, continue to find and invest in people who love and care about you. Building a tightly knit social network would alleviate loneliness and build up your self-esteem. Additionally, invest in yourself. Pick up new hobbies or take up a course you have been wanting to take. Keeping yourself preoccupied allows for the wounds from past relationships to heal naturally.
A final word
There are bound to be toxic people amongst us. However, it is as much of our responsibility as it is theirs in defining a healthy relationship with others. Be assertive and set clear boundaries when you feel you are being taken advantage of. Do not be afraid to “ruin” a relationship at the expense of yourself. It is simply not worth it.