As I turned 21, I was constantly told that I am living some of the best years of my life. “The world is your oyster” they said. There is this common notion that the ideal life goes like this: you study hard to secure a dream job, work hard at that dream job and achieve your dreams, enjoy retirement and pass away happily. Achieve your dreams while you are young such that when you grow old and eventually pass away you would have no regrets.
We all fear aging. My grandfather, at 92, suffers from Parkinson’s and has lost most of his mobility and his memory, remaining bedridden majority of the time. It left me with a sense of impending dread that someday I might end up like that. Loss of independence, loss of memory and losing our loved ones are some of the reasons why we fear aging. We decided that we must take full advantage of our youthful years to achieve all our dreams. Otherwise, we would live out our twilight years harboring many regrets. The comparative nature of social media has further compounded this effect. The result? We become impatient, frustrated and dissatisfied with life.
Aging is not as bad as it seems
“Because I am more myself than I have ever been.”
American poet May Sarton on why it was good to be old.
To stop fearing the prospect of aging, we have to embrace it. It is a natural process that occurs as part of human life. And as with every stage of life, there are losses but there are also gains. Being young is not all fun and games. When we are young, we feel pressured as we chase our romantic, financial and career-oriented ideals. Similarly, growing old is not all doom and gloom. Elderly people have commented that the advantages of growing old include the wisdom accumulated from numerous experiences, being more emotionally stable and understanding themselves well.
In fact, the elderly folks appear to be happier than the youths. In a study published in the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, people in their 20s and 30s were reported to have the highest levels of depression, stress and anxiety and experience the lowest levels of satisfaction and well-being. On the other hand, older people were the happiest.
We continue to grow as we grow old
“Age puzzles me. I thought it was a quiet time. My 70s were interesting and fairly serene, but my 80s are passionate. I grow more intense as I age. To my own surprise, I burst out with hot conviction … I must calm down. I am far too frail to indulge in moral fervor.”
American Playwright Florida Scott Maxwell
We commonly view the aged as frail and feeble minded, and thus unable to accomplish anything. That is completely untrue. Even as we grow old, we can continue to challenge ourselves and do what we love, furthering our growth as a person.
Oil Tycoon T.Boone Pickens had suffered from several strokes from the past few years, impairing his speech. Determined to recover, Pickens went for extensive speech therapy sessions and managed to restore 90% of his speech. He continued to pursue his interests, serving as chairman of BP Capital management, attend the home football games at Oklahoma state university (he never missed a single game) and furthered his philanthropy efforts. When a 90-year-old woman was asked why she volunteered for the campaigning group Gray Panthers, her reply was “Personal Growth”.
Even as we grow old and our health deteriorates, we can continue to learn and develop till our very last breath.
There is no shame in being a dependent
As an elderly, we begin to lose our independence and become increasingly reliant on others for our needs. It is natural to feel shame and frustration to ask others for assistance to carry out tasks that were previously effortless. But I believe life requires one to depend on others at times. Just as there was a time you had cared for others such as your child or your parents, there is also a time for others to care for you. Just as others have welcomed your care, graciously accept their care and love towards you.
Live life at your own pace
Happiness and fulfilment do not end with our youthful years. Aging means we lose some things and we should rightfully mourn them, but at the same time, we gain things that we did not have before. There is always something to look forward to. My grandfather, despite being bedridden, gets to spend lots of quality time with his loved ones and even gets the chance to welcome his great-grandchild into this world.
So don’t feel pressured to keep placing your feet on the gas pedal. Live life at your own pace and enjoy it to the fullest. There are still limitless opportunities in front of you, even when you turn old and grey. As the founder of campaign group Gray Panthers Magie Kuhn aptly puts it “Learning and sex till rigor mortis”.