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A couple of years ago, I would not have dared to write a blog. Exposing myself to people I have never even met? Hell no. It was opening me up to judgement to others, to criticism and to ridicule. It left me vulnerable.
It was later on I then realized the many opportunities self-promotion provided. Opportunities that I had passed on. It allowed me to hone my voice, contribute my ideas and connected me to a community that provides me with valuable feedback and support.
One quote really helped me embrace vulnerability and speak up:
“You realize, that just like everything else, 90% of your work is mediocre at best. Most of it is crap.”
Austin Kleon in his book Show Your Work!
Most of my work might be mediocre, but there is that 10% of my work that is at least passable. That 10% might have inspired or empowered someone, enriching their lives. That to me makes the endeavour worth it.
But it does not just apply to showing your work. Embracing vulnerability, I realized, is essential to wholehearted living. Virtually in every endeavor that we take, we are always vulnerable. The outcome is uncertain. Embracing vulnerability is at the heart of innovation, creativity and change. In the pursuit of creating something new, you have to be willing to challenge the status quo, leaving yourself open to judgement by others.
Vulnerability is not weakness
We often equate vulnerability to weakness. We blend in with the crowd because it is the ‘safe’ option. We shudder at the prospect of putting ourselves out there and allow ourselves to be fully seen, for fear that others would not love us anymore. That they would scoff, jest and shun us.
Truth is, vulnerability is not a weakness. As author Brené Brown puts it “Vulnerability is emotional risk, exposure, uncertainty.” A leading researcher on shame and vulnerability, check out Brené Brown’s TED talks here. To you, exposing yourself to critique from others might be scary and daunting. But to others looking on, you are courageous and inspirational. You are taking a chance to speak up about something you truly believe in.
Benefits of being vulnerable
1.Develop greater confidence
“The original definition of ‘courage’ . . . is from the Latin word ‘cor,’ meaning ‘heart.’ And the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. And so these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect.”
Brené Brown
I disagree with the saying “Fake it till you make it”. To me, it is trying to be someone you are not, pretending to be perfect by covering all your flaws. It is hiding behind a façade. Read more on how to be authentic and confident.
Confidence is not about never showing weakness. Being truly confident is about embracing who you are, both strengths and weaknesses, success and mistakes alike. It is about knowing others might judge you for what you do, but you still do it anyway because it aligns with your values.
Everyone can be confident in glitz and glamour situations. The true test comes only when that glamour is taken away, leaving only the grime. Taking responsibility for your mistakes, confessing that you might not know everything and being open about your failures. It takes courage to show the less desirable sides of our life. But in doing so, we learn to be comfortable in our own skin and become freer to live an authentic life.
2.Deepen your relationships
In my article on Barack Obama, I talked about the importance of telling an authentic story. Obama has had a past some people might not be proud in sharing. He was the son of a white mother from Kansas and a black father from Kansas, and to some might be considered a abomination. His parents divorced and his mum remarried. His birth father died in a car crash when he was 20. It is hardly an ideal childhood.
Yet, Obama learnt to own his story. His complex constellation of an identity made it easy for people hailing from various demographics to relate to. It enabled him to garner a strong following that eventually made him the first African-American President of the United States.
People relate more strongly to people who are willing to show their imperfections. We all struggle and like to see our struggles reflected back in people we follow and admire.
3.Spurs self-improvement
While we need to learn to show our vulnerability to others, we also must learn to be vulnerable with ourselves. The first step to improvement is acknowledging that there is room to do so. If we are flawless in our eyes, what is there to improve?
Oftentimes, we avoid confronting the mistakes that we make as it makes us feel vulnerable. But mistakes serve as valuable feedback, highlighting areas of weaknesses that we can improve on.
The basketball legend Kobe Bryant was unafraid to confront his mistakes. Going into the NBA, while he was a good player, he was not projected to be a legend. He was not a physical specimen like Shaquille O’Neal or a child prodigy like Lebron James. But he had a steely focus on becoming better. He would spend hours poring over own game film, identifying areas of weaknesses of his game and took inspiration from others that he admired, elevating his game to be on par with the all-time greats.
Our struggle with vulnerability
Unfortunately, we have learnt to numb our vulnerability. Obesity, addictions and debt are all the tragic result of attempting to distract ourselves from discomfort. In our attempt to push away our uncomfortable feelings, we inadvertently also numb feelings of joy and excitement. Life loses its meaning.
What can we do?
We have to learn to be mindful about our emotions, acknowledging them but not allowing them to dictate our actions. Harvard Medical School Psychologist Susan David talks about emotional granularity, which is being more specific in describing your emotional state. In doing so, it makes the situation much more manageable. Consider writing a daily journal to allow ourselves to consolidate and process your thoughts and emotions. Then as you spot a pattern, ask yourself why are you feeling this way.
We also have to let go of what others think. People are constantly focused on their self struggles and not on you. They might scoff and laugh at you for a moment but then they would quickly forget all about it, returning to their own struggles.
Lastly, we need to understand being vulnerable in front of others takes tremendous amount of courage. Start small and celebrate your little triumphs along the way.
You are valuable no matter what happens
I think one of the most inspiring stories I have heard was one told by author Frederik Imbo. Talking to a crowd of 200, he held a $20 note and asked who would like it. People instinctively raised their hands. He proceeded to crumple it and again asked who still wants it. Again, hands remained raised. He then dropped the note on the floor and squashed it with his foot. He asked yet again if anyone wants it. All of the hands remained raised.
“People may attack you, criticize you or ignore you. They can crumple you up with their words, spit you out or even walk all over you. But remember: whatever they do or say, you will always keep your value. “
Frederik Imbo
You are always a valuable member of society no matter what mistakes you make or what past you had. People can scoff, laugh or criticize you, but that doesn’t take away anything. So go out there, own your actions and live as your authentic self.